Monday, September 9, 2013

Round 3...Total Knockout!

I was watching Avery sleep the other night and as I bent down to kiss her, the lavender fragrance of her blond curls filled my senses. The sweet smell of my baby got me started thinking about how fast she is growing up and how her personality is really starting to explode. She bounces around the living room singing songs in her own Avery-language and loves all things duck, ball, and book. She is so busy that it is becoming a rare occasion when I can scoop her up for a snuggle, so I used this silent and rejuvenating moment to refocus my energy and to promise her, with my kisses on her soft baby cheeks, that I will fight. And I will fight hard.

Then, those tiny blond curls started to tickle my nose and I desperately tried to conceal an impending sneeze as I attempted to escape the room, tripping on everything on my way out...typical.

In this particular fight, I'm not going to give the cancer a chance. So, just when it thought it faked left and gained the upper hand by outsmarting the Tamoxifen... I'm going show up in round 3 with a new game. Surgery.

On Friday September 13th, I will have surgery. Go ahead, I will give you a second to get over the irony. However, feel free to dance with a black cat, shatter a mirror the same way I break plates, or even walk under a ladder 17 times if you wish, because Friday the 13th has a new meaning now! It is a lucky day and on this day, I will be having surgery to have my ovaries removed, have a double mastectomy, and to start the beginning stages of reconstruction. It is a huge overhaul and the recovery will be rough, but I'm not backing down now. The surgery is not a part of any trial, it is completely elective. I have a wonderful oncologist who heard me; she saw me for my age and as a mother and she stepped into my corner to help me be as aggressive as possible.

The surgery will be about 4-5 hours and it will begin with an oophorectomy to remove my ovaries. If you ask me, the name oophorectomy sounds like they ran out of actual medical terms and picked up this ridiculous name off the cutting room floor. Pun intended. Regardless, this is actually the next treatment, as I explained in my last blog, because I have to be post-menopausal to continue on with any further medications. Sure, I'm bummed about hot flashes and the lack of any more Barrett Babies; but, on the flip side, the benefit is pretty obvious.

Once that portion of the surgery is completed, the breast surgeon will step in to do the double, or bi-lateral, mastectomy. This is not standard treatment for Stage IV and is completely elective but the end result will be the removal of my breasts and thus, two of the tumors and original sources of my cancer. I opted for a bi-lateral mastectomy for aesthetic purposes and achieving that will be the third, and final, part of my surgery performed by a plastic surgeon. It will be his job to create pockets in which he will place expanders. An expander is essentially an empty implant and will be filled slowly with saline in the weeks after surgery, to stretch my skin out and allow it to fit actual implants. The examples that I have seen of his work are reassuring and promising.

My surgery will require a two-day hospital stay, so as long as everything goes well then I will be headed home on Sunday. The recovery will be about 6 weeks with the first two weeks being the most difficult. In that first 14 days, I wont be able to lift my arms above 90 degrees, so that includes picking up Avery. That will be a big challenge for me, but the instructions are strict and if sacrificing two weeks means that I have a better chance of being at her high school graduation, or even her wedding...then it is a small price to pay.

There is a lot to consider and a lot of planning to do in preparation for such a large surgery. As the days of September starting closing in on the 13th, it is all becoming more real. I think it even makes the fact that I have cancer seem more real. But, I'm not scared... I'm positive and I'm determined. I'm positive because I believe that only great things can come of this and I'm determined to win this fight.

Now, let's not end on a woe-is-me or worrisome note. Only positive thoughts need apply. And, since I have so many cheerleaders rooting me on...I came up with a cheer to celebrate the occassion... say it with me now!

1, 2... boobies off you
3, 4.... ovaries no more
5, 6.... brand new t*ts
7, 8.... hope doc puts em on straight
9, 10.... HEALTHY AGAIN!