Kaitlin

I've really been slacking in the blogging department lately. My intentions are good, but my follow-through leaves something to be desired at times. I write blogs in my head all the time, whether I'm driving in the car or drifting off to sleep, but lately it seems like I reach my desired destination or cash in my ticket to dreamland before my pen can actually hit the paper or my fingers can meet the keyboard. But, I'm here now, and hoping that my followers haven't given up on me yet so that I have to round you all back up.

I know that cancer can be a devastating disease, and I know that because I have been on both sides of it. Sometimes though, I think that my diagnosis has been harder on the people that I love than it has been on me. I know that my nonchalant outlook can be inspiring but it can also probably be confusing at times. I don't minimize the gravity of the situation, but I choose not to dwell on it either. I know that perspective isn't always the easiest to adopt at first, so I was curious as to how it affected those who are closest to me. I asked some close friends and family to write about my diagnosis from their point of view. (I'm also hoping that it catches on enough to have my guest-bloggers become a small feature in between my own blogs so I don't disappear with life for so long at a time.)

Kaitlin has been one of my best friends since college. We were roommates at NIU for two years and in the same sorority. I've had some of the best nights of my life with Kaitlin, some of which are blog appropriate, and some of which are drenched in a keg of beer and have been locked in the secret vault of college debauchery. Anyway.. we have remained close since our memorable college days, now enjoying being moms together. In fact, we are keeping our fingers crossed for a future marriage for Avery and her son Trace, thus handing down our friendship to a second generation. 

When I asked Kaitlin if she would be willing to write about my diagnosis from her perspective, she seemed incredibly willing and enthusiastic. She said she already knew what she was going to say... 

Ashley and I attended our friend Lindsey's baby shower for her daughter Ella, at the end of January 2013. On our way out of DeKalb, we decided we needed some caffeine and more time to catch up before we left town and went our separate ways. It turned in to ice cream instead, much to the delight of her little mini-me, Avery. Texting had been our main source of catching up for way too long! As we chatted away, she went into more details with me on her health issues and pain that she had been experiencing. She had just undergone more testing with her doctor. She had recently received a call from her doctor’s office and the receptionist asked that she come in to go over the results. Ashley was on her way to her friend, Kaylyn’s already, so she would have to wait to get into the office. The receptionist seemed taken aback; she thought Ashley needed to come in right away. The doctor said it was fine if she waited until Monday. As Ashley told me this, I remember experiencing a sinking feeling. First of all, I had no idea how bad her pain, from which she had been suffering, was. Secondly, it terrified me that the receptionist was so adamant that she come in to talk to her doctor. 

The following day my work BFF and I did our weekend recap. As I relayed that story to her, I cried. I could feel the situation was not good. Ashley told me she would keep me updated on her appointment. Throughout the day, I had many urges to text her. Finally that night, I could not wait. I texted and asked how everything went that day. She responded, “I have cancer. :(”

She was a new mom, and an outstanding and caring person, with an enormous heart. I was physically sick. Yet somehow, I already felt a sense of calmness from her. I have cancer :(. Not freaking out,  not losing it, etc. In our first cancer interaction, she was already foreshadowing how strong she was going to be. Little did we all know just how very strong she would be….

Along the way, we learned it was not only cancer, but Stage IV. As always, she rolled with the punches. Not only is she showing other cancer patients how to fight, but she is showing those in and outside of her circle how to live. Everyday there are bumps that come with daily living, but she reminds me constantly to step back when I think the road is getting rough. In the grand scheme of things, it is never as rough as I might think. She has become a teacher to people all over.

Throughout her fight, I’ve had MANY questions for her, and I have a favorite response to share… I asked if she was so excited when her doctor told her recently that her cancer activity was decreased in some areas and was completely gone in others. She said something along the lines of, that it was great news, but she did not freak out with excitement like some of us may have. It was an expectation to receive this news. It is part of her plan. Very matter of fact and confident. She knows how to put everyone else at ease along her journey, as well. That’s exactly how I feel now. I know she will conquer cancer!

This is me and Kaitlin the day that she and our friend Karen ran a marathon on my behalf. Kaitlin had just had a baby, a few short months, before this day.  I truly do have the greatest friends!