The Bald Mom At Preschool Pick-Up

... "I think your body is becoming immune to the hormone blocking medications and thus, it's time to take a break and come at things from a different angle for awhile. I think it is time to try using chemotherapy as a defense..."

Even though I was convinced that my doctor was speaking a foreign language, my heart had already figured out the translation and the tears were streaming down my face. This would be the first time that I ever cried in front of my doctor. This news was devastating to me because it means that the results from my latest scan were not what we had all been hoping and praying for.

My parents were in the next room and I waited several minutes to compose myself before joining them, but then I had barely set foot inside the door before I was able to choke out the word chemo and the tears started flowing again, my vision blurred by a mental montage of Avery's life and future. The scan showed that there is progression of the cancer in my liver. There isn't any new growth but the spots that already exist have increased in size and so, as we all know by now, that means it is time to change treatment. Again.

I needed time to catch my breath. I live my life in a delicate balance that is altered every three months. The anticipation alone is exhausting but then you add in the changes in treatment that are constantly wreaking different levels of havoc in my body by creating strange side effects or pain, it can be a daily struggle not only physically, but mentally. So absorbing this new <bad> news was really challenging for me.

Chemo is a scary word that has always been on the table but that we have managed to avoid for two and a half years, I've been very fortunate. The FoundationOne Testing, that I wrote about in my previous blog, still affords me several options but right now the cancer has things figured out and so we are wasting time by continuing to use the hormone medications. They are options for us to come back to later, but for now we need something to hit it harder and that something is chemo.

My chemo treatments will once a week for three weeks and then I get a week off. Then we repeat that sequence, repeat again, and then scan again.  Since I live in Mahomet and I receive my cancer care at RUSH in Chicago, the logistics had to be figured out so I can receive my treatments locally and avoid having to tear up the highway once a week.

Chemo has a bad reputation for terrible side effects and while the ones awaiting me are not all rainbows and sunshine (nod to my cancer girls), they are very minimal. There are actually several types of chemo and the one that I will be on, Taxol, does not cause nausea. Instead, I will experience fatigue and I will lose my hair. Although losing my hair again is going to be hard, I'm a smart girl and I know when to count my blessings, so I know it could be worse.

I have actually already completed, and rocked, my first chemo treatment. I survived and although I don't have too many complaints of those subsequent days, I know I'm stronger for it. I know I have an army standing behind me offering support, help, and prayers and I'm incredibly grateful for that, always.

I also know that starts my timer and I have approximately 17 days until I'm the bald mom at preschool pick-up. ;)