Happy Anniversary

I have been anticipating writing this blog for a few weeks now. It is my first one of 2017 but it also marks the week of my 4th Anniversary cancer diagnosis. It serves as a resolution for me to resurrect my blog and even myself a bit, both of which had fallen by the wayside this past fall.

At times, getting to year 4 has been hard fought. I have battled through multiple invasive surgeries, a myriad of medications, radiation, chemotherapies, chased trials, and gone from long blonde beautiful hair to a regrowth of pubes. Early on, cancer had it’s ups and downs; but, for most of it, as I like to remember it, I swallowed a pill, and hoped for the best. That isn't really how it went, not at all, but in comparison to this fall... it felt like a cakewalk for me back then.  Even when I started chemo halfway through year two, I was still using Instagram to post selfies of my receiving chemo. Its hard not to over-indulge the selfies and pseudo artistic pictures of flower vases when you're tethered to a pole of poison for hours at a time. 

When this last 6-ish months swung around however, things were a little different. I was chasing trials locally and in Texas. I was also balancing a new and stronger regime of chemo that caused some horrible side effects. 

I still never had the typical nausea for days type symptoms. Instead, areas of my skin, like my elbows, would develop burns from the inside out and cause unimaginable pain. It was impossible to find the right bandage to adequately cover the wounds. Everything we tried (and we tried everything from the First-Aid aisle) seemed to fail. The proper bandages weren't proper at all because they couldn't cover the entire area, would stick to the area, or wouldn't let my arms bend. In addition to being near tears from my elbows, I would also suffer from mouth sores that resulted in a liquid diet of Ensure shakes and maybe an occasional Jell-o. Oh, and not to mention the fiery, red, and dry blistery hands. Up until this point, I have yet to really cry from anything regarding the C word, but the mixture of these separate messes evoked more than one breakdown.

I would still get up every single day though, because I knew someone, some little blonde miniature version of myself, was counting on me. And as I promised on that very first night when initially revealed my cancer in 2013, I was going to raise my daughter to be a strong woman and the only way to do that was to show her how. 

So, up and at ‘em.

As a result of these side effects, I found that I had lost some interest in my blog and a few social activities as well. I wanted to write but I didn't quite have the desire to put my "pen to paper" when I had smaller and cuter priorities to focus on.

It wasn't until November, that I decided I had enough. Stage 4 isn’t ‘technically’ curable, it’s about finding the quality in every day. So I spoke up and requested a change. Luckily, my doctors were receptive and willing to adjust my regime that included 3 separate chemo therapies, and just like that? All those nasty things disappeared. There is something to be said for that, and its not lost on me. A healthier approach to my curing (I don't care what the doctor's say, I'm still over here curing this shit) Cancer is always being researched and sought out.

So, save me a seat at Thanksgiving. And Christmas. And Anniversary 5.